tanehwser
05-11-2011, 04:00 PM
Here is the situation. You really hate those Sunday lunches at your in-laws. You would so much rather go for a day trip, have a massage , discover a new restaurant or just stay at home , eat leftovers and be lazy. Now, hand on heart, does anybody know about how you feel about this? Have you ever shared your feelings or expressed them directly? Probably not, because : a) you don't want to be trouble, b) it's important for your husband, c) it is a tradition, d) who would listen to you anyway, e) you don't want any arguments, it's Sunday, after all.............The list is endless.
The above situation is just a specific example but I think many of us can relate to those situations in life when we are too afraid to tackle the issue up front, instead we go around and try to pull it away by its leg Cheap Onyx Hats (http://www.pickyouhats.com/onyx-hats-cheap-13_90.html), or arm, or ear....Unfortunately, by doing so we might have tweaked and twisted and wiggled and tickled the body of the issue but what a surprise, it is still there! This is called passive aggressive behavior. By you going after the problem in a passive way, the problem remains unchanged, only your passiveness has turned into frustration, which turned into aggressiveness.
4. No apologies please.Some actors seem to think they are among royalty when in an audition and apologize for everything they do if it's not perfect. That implies the wrong mindset in the audition. While it's nice to apologize, in an audition it indicates that you aren't totally involved in what you are doing...just focus on what you are doing, not how it's affecting the audience. You don't know how they feel about you. They might love your energy and everything about you but when you apologize you are pointing out that you think you did something wrong, so unless you fart in their faces or knock over the lights or camera, there's nothing in an audition to apologize for. I would say the one exception is if you are working on another job and don't have the time to get your lines down, you might want to apologize for that to manage their expectations a bit...but I'm not even sure that's a good thing.
What to do? Number one, be honest with yourself and acknowledge the feeling. Put all the what if's, why's 2011 New Arrival Clearance (http://www.eramlbhats.com/2011-new-arrival-clearance-1042.html), what's, and who's aside and state the fact. E.g. I don't like spending every Sunday at my in-laws.
Next time, when you are in a situation when you can't find courage to be open and direct, imagine yourself in the shoes of the person who has to put up with your unreasonable behavior and wondering what on Earth is going on with you? Are you imagining? Wouldn't you also prefer to know? There you go. I thought so.
Prepared or not, apologizing to them is the same as making an excuse for yourself. If you are apologizing to the room before you perform, you are basically saying, "Sorry I suck" before you even speak a word. If you start out thinking you are going to suck...do the math...not much chance for success in that environment.5. Casting is rooting against you.Maybe because auditions are so hard to come by and there's a certain distance maintained between casting and actors, actors often get the idea that casting directors are in some way rooting for them to fail. Nothing could be more false. Casting has made a big decision in allowing you to fill one of the few spots available for each role. They are putting their reputation on the line with their bosses, the producers. They want you to validate that they have made a good choice.
Number two, communicate this message clearly but calmly to the others involved. If you are lucky, they would be happy to have things your way, maybe they were even waiting for your message.
Natalie Ekberg is an international personal and executive coach and offers self-improving, motivational and coaching e-courses and e-books as well as face to face or telephone coaching.
But let's not kid ourselves; the above probably won't be the case. If you hit the wall of disagreement, well, then it is up to you how to handle that, where to make a compromise and where to stand your ground. In both cases Wholesale Levi's Hats (http://www.hatscapsclub.com/levis-hats-wholesale-1112_1190.html), you can't be accused of not letting them know! And if they miss you at the lunch table next Sunday, at least it won't be a mystery to everybody!
Important rule! Never judge yourself for being unable to express your feelings directly and never feel guilty when you do! In the first case, take it as a stepping stone to recognizing the problem, acknowledging your feelings and finding the right way of expressing them without being offensive. In the second case, you are doing everyone a favor by being open and honest, so guilt is completely pointless.
However, going along with something for a while is one thing, living it every single week is something different altogether. So slowly but surely you become irritated, aggressive or withdrawn during those lunches. Everybody wonders what is wrong and right they are, because you never expressed DIRECTLY what it is that bothers you. You choose" the silent weapons" of expression, which are just as deadly if not deadlier than the loud ones, because, yes, you guessed it, nobody knows about them!
The above situation is just a specific example but I think many of us can relate to those situations in life when we are too afraid to tackle the issue up front, instead we go around and try to pull it away by its leg Cheap Onyx Hats (http://www.pickyouhats.com/onyx-hats-cheap-13_90.html), or arm, or ear....Unfortunately, by doing so we might have tweaked and twisted and wiggled and tickled the body of the issue but what a surprise, it is still there! This is called passive aggressive behavior. By you going after the problem in a passive way, the problem remains unchanged, only your passiveness has turned into frustration, which turned into aggressiveness.
4. No apologies please.Some actors seem to think they are among royalty when in an audition and apologize for everything they do if it's not perfect. That implies the wrong mindset in the audition. While it's nice to apologize, in an audition it indicates that you aren't totally involved in what you are doing...just focus on what you are doing, not how it's affecting the audience. You don't know how they feel about you. They might love your energy and everything about you but when you apologize you are pointing out that you think you did something wrong, so unless you fart in their faces or knock over the lights or camera, there's nothing in an audition to apologize for. I would say the one exception is if you are working on another job and don't have the time to get your lines down, you might want to apologize for that to manage their expectations a bit...but I'm not even sure that's a good thing.
What to do? Number one, be honest with yourself and acknowledge the feeling. Put all the what if's, why's 2011 New Arrival Clearance (http://www.eramlbhats.com/2011-new-arrival-clearance-1042.html), what's, and who's aside and state the fact. E.g. I don't like spending every Sunday at my in-laws.
Next time, when you are in a situation when you can't find courage to be open and direct, imagine yourself in the shoes of the person who has to put up with your unreasonable behavior and wondering what on Earth is going on with you? Are you imagining? Wouldn't you also prefer to know? There you go. I thought so.
Prepared or not, apologizing to them is the same as making an excuse for yourself. If you are apologizing to the room before you perform, you are basically saying, "Sorry I suck" before you even speak a word. If you start out thinking you are going to suck...do the math...not much chance for success in that environment.5. Casting is rooting against you.Maybe because auditions are so hard to come by and there's a certain distance maintained between casting and actors, actors often get the idea that casting directors are in some way rooting for them to fail. Nothing could be more false. Casting has made a big decision in allowing you to fill one of the few spots available for each role. They are putting their reputation on the line with their bosses, the producers. They want you to validate that they have made a good choice.
Number two, communicate this message clearly but calmly to the others involved. If you are lucky, they would be happy to have things your way, maybe they were even waiting for your message.
Natalie Ekberg is an international personal and executive coach and offers self-improving, motivational and coaching e-courses and e-books as well as face to face or telephone coaching.
But let's not kid ourselves; the above probably won't be the case. If you hit the wall of disagreement, well, then it is up to you how to handle that, where to make a compromise and where to stand your ground. In both cases Wholesale Levi's Hats (http://www.hatscapsclub.com/levis-hats-wholesale-1112_1190.html), you can't be accused of not letting them know! And if they miss you at the lunch table next Sunday, at least it won't be a mystery to everybody!
Important rule! Never judge yourself for being unable to express your feelings directly and never feel guilty when you do! In the first case, take it as a stepping stone to recognizing the problem, acknowledging your feelings and finding the right way of expressing them without being offensive. In the second case, you are doing everyone a favor by being open and honest, so guilt is completely pointless.
However, going along with something for a while is one thing, living it every single week is something different altogether. So slowly but surely you become irritated, aggressive or withdrawn during those lunches. Everybody wonders what is wrong and right they are, because you never expressed DIRECTLY what it is that bothers you. You choose" the silent weapons" of expression, which are just as deadly if not deadlier than the loud ones, because, yes, you guessed it, nobody knows about them!